I’m going a little bit crazy.

Two days ago was one of those awful days when I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. I saw an apartment and brought Eric back to it and realized I’d forgotten to ask a million obvious questions that made it out of the question; I made about 7 wrong turns, I forgot to return a book to the library for Eric, and my day completely got away from me even though I felt busy all day.

Yesterday flew by again, even though I felt like I wasn’t wasting any time.

And today, suddenly it’s nearly 5:00. I meant to clean our apartment but just straightened up. I’m totally overwhelmed by the idea of cleaning and packing to move. And to make things more stressful, we’re finding that the amount of space we currently have in the location we need at the quality we want is totally out of our price range. I guess the last 2 years haven’t been kind to the renters’ market, and on top of it we’re trying to live within biking distance of Eric’s new downtown job (more on that later). The closer to downtown, the higher the prices. Which may mean downsizing.

And that’s just apartment hunting. Last weekend a car we really wanted and were ready to buy was sold out from under us — we got the call on our way to go see it. Today, I showed Eric the same car for the 5th time on Craigslist… “Have we seen this one yet?” I said. He was kind. “Babe. You’ve shown me this car at least five times. It’s an automatic.” Oy. (Yes, we call each other babe. Because honey is way sicker.)

Oh, and jobs? I haven’t heard back from any I’ve applied for — except two, which we decided I couldn’t take at this point because they are only part time.

I’ve been thankful for the relatively small amount of anxiety I’ve had over all these combined stressful situations. By the Lord’s grace I’ve been able to set aside many of my worries, trusting that he will follow through in his time. But now I’m starting to get a little antsy. Lord, we’re getting close to crunch time, here. It’s almost midway through the month and our lease ends in 2 weeks! How easy it is to trust when nothing is on the line — and how easy it is to try to take control when something is.

Trusting, waiting, hoping, praying. And having too much bubble tea when things start gettin’ crazy.

Here are the things I have accomplished in the last several days:

  • Made and mailed a couple of gifts and a long overdue package of things borrowed.
  • Made more granola. Got carried away with not measuring and it’s not as good as last time. (This is mostly because I was trying to conserve pure maple syrup, which is not at all cheap.)
  • Celebrated Eric’s last day at his current job with his coworkers.
  • Did an hour-long bootcamp on Friday, Monday, and Tuesday mornings.
  • Went to see multiple apartments.
  • Though not nearly enough, I did straighten up a little and did a teensy bit of laundry.
  • Wore outfits I felt good in. This feels like a dumb thing to list, but I feel so much better when I have and take the time to get dressed and accessorize.
  • Fixed Eric’s bike shorts by replacing a broken zipper with sewn-in velcro strips.
  • Took a couple of pictures I liked. (Slowly but surely!)

…That may be it.

Today feels strange because it’s a Wednesday but Eric’s home. We decided that in-between leaving his job and starting his new job, he would take three days to chill and refresh. We had waffles and sausages this morning and I walked to the post office and totally thought it was a Saturday.  Tomorrow morning I’m excited about going for a prayer/goal-setting hike, which sounds much more mystical than it is, and then spending some time starting to pack infrequently-used items and hopefully getting rid of a lot of things that haven’t seen the light in the year and a half we’ve lived here.  Just in case we end up in a shoebox sized apartment, which is looking more and more likely.

Off to grill chicken skewers!


  • Jayjoe

    Haha-you’re adorable! This made me smile cause I can hear you speaking the entire thing! :)